It all began with a desire—a frivolous, vain, seemingly extravagant desire that I judged harshly even before sharing it with my husband.

The idea sparked joy whenever I thought about it, but there were a million reasons not to do it too, plus I already knew my husband wouldn’t love the idea. I remained torn between my excitement and fear of disapproval- his and my own. When I finally mustered the courage to share my wish, his response—“Do what you want”—wasn’t exactly a ringing endorsement. Instead, it felt flat and left me questioning: Could I move forward with this and still feel connected to him? Would pursuing my desire risk a disconnect between us?

I leaned into honoring my desire. What would it be like if I gave myself this frivolous gift?

Sharing my desire with my husband wasn’t easy, especially knowing he might not agree. Instead of framing it as a demand or defending it in advance, which I would have done in the past, I said it simply, “I would love to ________” and left it at that.

When he expressed his bewilderment, it was tempting to let his perspective overshadow mine. I could have chosen to abandon my desire out of fear or guilt, but instead, I tried to respect his thoughts without internalizing them and honor what mattered to me.

I realized this wasn’t just about the desire itself; it was about gifting myself something that brought me joy. I had the means to do it, and by fulfilling on my own desire, I reaffirmed my value and worth—to myself, not waiting for the external validation.

One fear I had was that pursuing this desire might jeopardize his feelings for me. Would he still find me attractive? But his response after I went through with it proved something profound: his love for me transcends surface-level preferences. His desire for my happiness outweighed his mild confusion.

He continued to express love for me and tell me I looked beautiful. My fear was the farthest thing from reality. Over the next few weeks I gathered plenty of evidence that trusting myself and his love, even when I couldn’t predict his reaction, brought us closer together and increased my own confidence. I felt gratitude instead of defensiveness.

For anyone navigating a similar crossroads, this is your reminder that honoring your desires doesn’t have to come at the expense of your relationship. With the right tools and perspective, you can strengthen your connection while staying true to yourself.

What desires are you holding back on because of fear or judgment? Could leaning into vulnerability, trust, and self-love help you take the next step?

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